my potentially confusing and almost certainly hypocritical rant of the week

I'm sitting at Portland Brew, as I do every Monday, musing at a couple of things. I'm reading George Orwell's "1984", something I somehow got through school having never read, and I can't help but wonder about life in the US versus somewhere else. I know that I have nothing to say that would be new on the subject or the book, plus I've only just read the first chapter, so I'll save my commentary. I can't deny the bubble that has been placed around us, the way we add to that bubble with our social and political ignorance, and the lengths we go to the keep the bubble in tact.

In my immediate bubble, two men are sitting at a table to my left. One of them is passionately sharing about how China's next move in the not too distant future will be to annihilate us. He said they share geography with Russia and both countries will combine their powers to destroy America, removing our hands from the proverbial cookie jars. While he didn't say cookie jars, I kind of laugh as I picture China as one of those containers that looks like a lion and roars, "Get your hand out of my cookie jar!" when you open it. Or maybe not. He talked about how 50% of all TSA workers in airports are middle eastern and how a transportation takeover and 9/11 repeat are entirely inevitable. The man's tone showed apparent loathing for our country and also for minorities and their presence here. His friend utters not a single word and is visibly uncomfortable. I felt both threatened and sad.

To my right, three women, who are obviously members of some musical group, are meeting with a designer, discussing album art. They are all dressed nearly identically, wearing what look like Army caps, expensive outerwear and what are almost certainly $300 jeans. One of them wears a bracelet that says "Live to love." I can't help but wonder if the greater act of love would be to spend money on somebody else. Yes I am a hypocrite, I know, but this is something I'm dealing with. I certainly don't know who these women are and I would assume they are just one of many artists in Nashville, living with the appearance of success while struggling to get by. I wonder if people can tell I'm a musician struggling to get by when they look at me. I honestly hope they can't.

It is as if these three women are living the exact opposite of the American experience than the man on my left. I might be passing an unfair judgment but I see so many people in this city living expensive lifestyles under the shelter of American life. To be relevant and therefore useful to the popular culture, we must spend all kinds of money. And what kills me is that the mediators of this consumer message (MTV, Time, etc.) tell us to be aware of the world, to get involved and make a difference (just watch the self-centered advertising on cable stations), but they are the very merchants of this consumer ideal, almost as if they are justifying our excessive consumption while simultaneously selling cool to us, making us feel like we are aware and that we care how many people die of AIDS every year. Both the man and the women are living in the shelter of our country but one seems to resent it, even fear it, and the others seems to embrace it completely.

I am grateful to live here but I am also aware of how fantastically wealthy being an American makes me, even though by the standards of our government I live under the poverty line. I have a lot of other factors that contribute to my quality of life, such as generous parents or the miracle of my doubtless living. I certainly live comfortably, just paycheck to paycheck, and I have to tell myself there is nothing wrong with this! I want to be responsible and save so that I can provide for a family eventually, but I also don't want to live like I am not aware of how much I already have. After all, Jesus was homeless, and I openly proclaim my allegiance. I sometimes wonder if I am doing him a dis-service. It's all so much to digest but my role in faith and the global landscape is something I will spend my entire life working out. It's tough stuff but it's exciting to think about because I believe it matters.