confused...

I've had a bit more down time than I'm used to the last few days. After spending last week doing demolition for my brother-in-law in Chattanooga, I have settled into a state that by comparison makes me feel lazy. I'm spending time with friends, reading, watching the occasional movie while waiting on the mail (that will hopefully bring my new license plate or computer battery), and trying to play some guitar. Notice I said trying. Two days ago, I sat down on the porch with my favorite instrument (click Charis on the sidebar) to try and hash out some fingerstyle pieces I've slowly been learning. I haven't played in over week due to the demolition work and my fingers feel sluggish. The strings are old and dead and the guitar just isn't responding like I had hoped; acoustic strings are heartbreakingly expensive and I have decided to hold on to my money for more important things like food. Needless to say, I played for about 15 minutes and sat the guitar down, mourning a sudden lack of inspiration. Yesterday, I plugged into my amp to give the electric a run, hoping for better results, but that only lasted about 10 minutes before I got bored and absent-minded. This bothers me.

I've been thinking about this lately, this sudden lack of inspiration. I'm not playing much, I'm not writing much, and I'm not all that excited about the arts these days. I'm finding my time with God to be stale and unfulfilled and life in general is a bit blah, save my friends and certain close relationships, such as Sarah my girlfriend, which, fortunately, are improving after a full summer of disconnection.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting with my friend Nate, sharing some conversation on various points of common interest over a pint of Guinness. As we talked about the church, movies, music, and politics, I found excitement growing in a way I hadn't felt in a while. I wanted to play, write and create, watch movies and maybe even start a film discussion group at church. A few days later, I went with my friend Scott to see this band called Muse and I left with this incredible excitement over playing and performing. This past weekend, I sat in church and listened to Donald Miller talk about changing our perspective on ministry and reaching out to the lost. He shared this passage from Acts 17 about Paul preaching in Athens and I found myself more excited about ministry than I have been in weeks or months even. With interests rising, why the sudden feelings of disjointed living this week?

I'm beginning to realize how I have limited my exposure to the things that inspire me. I haven't bought a CD in over two months, I haven't cracked a new book in just as long, and I haven't been searching for God in scripture and prayer like I know I desire. Rush, love them or them, once said that nothing can survive in a vacuum, which is precisely what I have placed myself in. Today I resolve to change this.

I want to be reminded of the things that excite me. If you'll notice, I've added some links on the blog. I've been taking the time to consider the musicians who make me want to do what I do, the records that make me love music, the movies that make sense of life, and the God who makes me love. In the interest of self-preservation, I've decided to start posting about the things, places, and people that inspire me. This is no attempt to try and feed my ego by sharing my various "hip" interests, but an act of necessity to salvage the simple joy in the day to day of my life and I invite all you readers to share with me in the seemingly trivial and profound.

On the note of profound, I am heading to Yosemite National Park this Friday with my parents. I have always wanted to go and I eagerly anticipate the humility that comes from standing in the most beautiful of God's creation. I'll take pictures. Cheers!