a request for prayer...

I would like to make those of you who are praying people and even those who aren't aware of a prayer need from my church family. Michael and Jana Kelley are friends of mine and many of my friends who found out today that their 2 year-old son Joshua has lukemia. He has been admitted to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital and doctors are presently discussing treatment. Please pray for Michael, Jana, and Joshua. Thank you.

going out of business...

A note to all you Nashville peeps... Tower Records is going out of busniess and is liquidating their entire inventory which is quite large. They've got a pretty good sale on so check it out.

Watch for a new blog, coming soon. I'm sorry it's been so long.

Cheers!

confused...

I've had a bit more down time than I'm used to the last few days. After spending last week doing demolition for my brother-in-law in Chattanooga, I have settled into a state that by comparison makes me feel lazy. I'm spending time with friends, reading, watching the occasional movie while waiting on the mail (that will hopefully bring my new license plate or computer battery), and trying to play some guitar. Notice I said trying. Two days ago, I sat down on the porch with my favorite instrument (click Charis on the sidebar) to try and hash out some fingerstyle pieces I've slowly been learning. I haven't played in over week due to the demolition work and my fingers feel sluggish. The strings are old and dead and the guitar just isn't responding like I had hoped; acoustic strings are heartbreakingly expensive and I have decided to hold on to my money for more important things like food. Needless to say, I played for about 15 minutes and sat the guitar down, mourning a sudden lack of inspiration. Yesterday, I plugged into my amp to give the electric a run, hoping for better results, but that only lasted about 10 minutes before I got bored and absent-minded. This bothers me.

I've been thinking about this lately, this sudden lack of inspiration. I'm not playing much, I'm not writing much, and I'm not all that excited about the arts these days. I'm finding my time with God to be stale and unfulfilled and life in general is a bit blah, save my friends and certain close relationships, such as Sarah my girlfriend, which, fortunately, are improving after a full summer of disconnection.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting with my friend Nate, sharing some conversation on various points of common interest over a pint of Guinness. As we talked about the church, movies, music, and politics, I found excitement growing in a way I hadn't felt in a while. I wanted to play, write and create, watch movies and maybe even start a film discussion group at church. A few days later, I went with my friend Scott to see this band called Muse and I left with this incredible excitement over playing and performing. This past weekend, I sat in church and listened to Donald Miller talk about changing our perspective on ministry and reaching out to the lost. He shared this passage from Acts 17 about Paul preaching in Athens and I found myself more excited about ministry than I have been in weeks or months even. With interests rising, why the sudden feelings of disjointed living this week?

I'm beginning to realize how I have limited my exposure to the things that inspire me. I haven't bought a CD in over two months, I haven't cracked a new book in just as long, and I haven't been searching for God in scripture and prayer like I know I desire. Rush, love them or them, once said that nothing can survive in a vacuum, which is precisely what I have placed myself in. Today I resolve to change this.

I want to be reminded of the things that excite me. If you'll notice, I've added some links on the blog. I've been taking the time to consider the musicians who make me want to do what I do, the records that make me love music, the movies that make sense of life, and the God who makes me love. In the interest of self-preservation, I've decided to start posting about the things, places, and people that inspire me. This is no attempt to try and feed my ego by sharing my various "hip" interests, but an act of necessity to salvage the simple joy in the day to day of my life and I invite all you readers to share with me in the seemingly trivial and profound.

On the note of profound, I am heading to Yosemite National Park this Friday with my parents. I have always wanted to go and I eagerly anticipate the humility that comes from standing in the most beautiful of God's creation. I'll take pictures. Cheers!

Oceania

Blogging has been a bit scarce these days. I realize that my worth is not the product of the words contained here in, but I do appreciate the fact that somebody reads this and I want to respect that. Thank you for reading, Dad. I’ll be honest and say that I haven’t really felt like writing that much in spite of the fact that I have a generous amount of free time. I tend to approach the blogging process a bit more like the gossip column in the local paper, kind of the whole crack it open and read up on what Whit’s been doing out on the town. That was never the point behind this blog and I guess I’m struggling with the purpose of it these days. I’m also presently struggling to write as the guy at the table next to me is allowing his four-year-old to run around the shop screaming. Sex makes babies people, accept it. And somebody tell Brittany Spears while we’re at it.

The truth is that I’m finding the world to be a much more discouraging place than it used to be. Now, I’m fully aware that this probably isn’t true but for some reason it’s really getting to me. A while back I spent some time talking about George Orwell’s “1984”. Ever since I read that book I’ve found the news to be more discouraging, the government more despicable, and ignorance so much more attractive. I went through a phase a while back where my increasing awareness of political and social issues resulted in a backlash of sorts against the conservative agenda. I was enraged at the poverty and injustice of the world, or at least I thought I was. I quickly realized how attracted I was to being a voice of objection rather than the voice-less acceptance I had known for most of my life. I was mad at the church for telling me how to think and not encouraging me to ask questions and to get dirty and vulnerable before God. I was mad at the selfishness of our country, the hoarding of wealth, the political bullying, and the gross destruction of the environment. I still believe all of these things to be wrong but I must confess the error of my intentions.

I have never desired ignorance, God has given me a mind and I truly intend to use it. At this point, the liberal revolution has slowed and cooler heads have prevailed. I want to stand by my beliefs, my values, and my opinions with well considered reasons and I am learning to reinforce certain ideals and dismiss others as impulsive. All in all, I think I am becoming a well-informed individual. In fact, I am growing increasingly irritated and discouraged with the frightening number of people my age who have no idea why they believe what they believe or stand up for what they do; there is too much at stake these days to not.

So why the mention of “1984”? I can honestly say that this book has haunted me like nothing I have ever read and I will explain shortly. But first, for those of you who haven’t read it, let me give you a brief, spoil-free, overview of the novel and then promptly go buy the book and read it. The story is centered around a man named Winston, a common citizen in a nation referred to as Oceania, which is geographically is really more like a modern day British empire. Oceania is run by a totalitarian regime that desires to control every aspect of its resident’s lives from their jobs to their hobbies, friends, and even mates. Free thought, or thought crime as it is called, is the most serious offense of the land and everything from writing to pleasurable sex is an example of it. People die for this crime. The head of this regime is Big Brother, a figure who may or may not truly exist but governs with an iron first and valiantly battles the ceaseless enemies of Oceania, Eastasia and Eurasia, who are constantly changing from foes to allies and to foes again. The funny thing is that no one really knows why the present enemy nation is just that, the enemy. They are simply told who the enemy is and asking questions leads to death because Oceania needs the full support of its people, including their thoughts. It is Winston’s job to alter the public records so that no one remembers, it is his job to forget. All the while propaganda is rampant as the citizens are constantly told of attacks from the faceless enemy only known as Eastasia or Eurasia and how the valiant Big Brother stopped it and will eventually destroy the enemy threat all together. But the truth is that Oceania, Eastasia, and Eurasia need each other in order to maintain a balance of fear in their people and thus sustain their power. In a world where thought is a crime and ignorance is freedom, fear is the single greatest device at the government’s disposal to keep the nation in line. Winston begins to think freely and longs for hope in a rumored opposition called “The Brotherhood” before it is too late.

I was watching the news one day, maybe a couple of months ago, and the voice was talking about a bombing in a rather random location, not Iraq or any place like that. He was very quick to say, “It is unclear at this time who is responsible but Al Qaeda is suspected,” and I just wanted to scream, “Of course they aren’t responsible, it isn’t freaking Iraq!” In that moment, I thought how paranoid people must be as the news media tries so desperately to put a face to a faceless threat. I thought that Al Qaeda is so much more an idea than an actual group of people, just a name given by our country to something they don’t control and certainly don’t understand. In that moment, Al Qaeda became Eurasia, or Eastasia, the faceless enemy of civilized existence and victim of vicious propaganda. I thought about how the media loves to say its name, spreading fear all over this country. I thought about our co-dependance, how they have no agenda without us and we have no war and thus nothing to gain from the Middle East without them.

Recently I’ve been reading a lot of headlines about President Bush. He’s been giving a lot of speeches these days, seeking public support for a fruitless war. He’s trying to get congress to approve activities he’s been doing illegally for years, seeking further wire-tapping, harsher methods of interrogation, and greater invasion of privacy. Bush is visibly frustrated every time I see him on television, wasting no opportunity to tell us of the threat of terrorism and the need for war to protect us. He even used his 9/11 speech as a platform for the war, something I regard as very disrespectful to the victims and their families. Every time I hear him speak, I can’t help but think he’s trying to scare us into support. Don’t get me wrong, I believe terrorism to be evil, a very real and formidable threat and something to be dealt with, but Iraq is not the real problem in the Middle East (Saddam Hussein is off his rocker and his country was an easy target as opposed to the highly organized, capable, and motivated Iran). I am grieved that a man in a position of great power is leading this nation not in strength but in fear.

When I read a book like “1984” or see a movie like “V for Vendetta”, I wonder how that kind of a world could come to exist but the more I watch the news, the more I know how. If the people have enough to fear, they will continue to bestow an increasing supply of power upon their leaders. The Patriot Act, a bill passed by a very bi-partisan congress who was angry over 9/11 and fearful about the future, is a first step in this process of unreasonable power escalation. Many people now consider the act a mistake and while the country is certainly safer under the Patriot Act, the precedence set is a dangerous step in the direction of absolved privacy. I don’t like the fact that the government probably knows that I’ve visited websites claiming conspiracy surrounding 9/11. I don’t like the fact being Muslim or even just Arab in this country makes you a risk and a candidate for wire taps. Thought and speech are free in this country unless it’s threatening, in which case you’ll be arrested and labeled a terrorist or at least entered into a frighteningly large database at the National Counter-terrorism Center, a database with millions of names in it. The fact that Bush is presently pressing congress for freedom to circumvent the law tells me how real such a world can be and this scares me; I pray congress says no. How can we set up democracies around the world and be trying to get around the process here?

A great historical figure once said that democracy is not the best form of government, it’s just the best have so far. If democracy is going to continue to work, we have to vote and we have to be educated in our decisions. I cannot stand it when people say they are going to vote for a certain person because they are a Republican or a Democrat, or that they’ll vote for Hillary because she’s a woman or for Bush because he’s a Christian, having no knowledge of the how the candidate stands on various issues. The issues at hand are far too complex for a candidate to be chosen based on one factor, a truth I am guilty of ignoring. Take an interest in the future of healthcare and Social Security, on education, trade and labor laws, immigration, and foreign policy. Don’t give someone an absurd amount of power and control over unfathomable wealth and influence based on petty details! God gave you a mind and he intends for you to use it!

Literature has long since been a source of the world’s greatest wisdom and human commentary, from the Bible to Plato, Elliott, and Salinger. There is something to be said for the conviction that would drive a man to such a disciplined act as writing a book worth understanding. I also like to think we study literature for reasons other than its artistic value. Something got a hold of George Orwell, maybe the way Hitler worked his way into power, and led him to tell a story that is more a plea for the preservation of humanity than it is anything. It is a plea that we pay attention, devoting all our senses to the world around us, that we may know when something is wrong and that we may possess the courage to stand against it. I refuse to follow the path of ignorance and blindly accept the conditions of the world. When I account for my life before my God, I want to be able to say that, in faith, I stood for something that truly matters and that I knew why it mattered. All global issues must be viewed as spiritual issues for we are God’s people and all people were made in His image; I certainly believe that matters and I pray my life reflect it.

soggy shoes...

I'm presently sitting in the Hampton Inn in a tropical-storm-riddled Farmington, New Jersey, nursing wet shoes. The last week has been loaded with activity from first-time life experiences to travel galore. There is so much to share but rather than started at the beginning, I suppose I'll start with today.

Today was supposed to be the final show of Plumb's 2006 calendar, on account of pregnancy, and we flew up yesterday by way of New York's JFK. The venue said the event, an outdoor festival with a projected attendance of 15000, would be rain or shine, but probably rain given Ernesto's jaunt up the Atlantic Coast. This morning we got up to head to an impossibly early load-in but our ride was late. After some answer-less calls, the event promoter walks in the door and informs us our show has been cancelled. The weather has just been too overwhelming and their biggest hope is get some of the speakers on stage, such as Steven Baldwin, and the headliners which are Reliant K and the Newsboys.

What happened to the rain or shine you might ask? Well, I'll tell you. At first, we blamed the venue for not having a covered stage but come to find out, the storm actually ripped the top off stage. We got booked on the main stage, for once, but this would come back to bite us as the secondary stage still had roof intact. With this in mind, Justin and Grey, our key and bass player respectively, and I jumped into a van with some guys from MXPX to check out whether or not we could find a way to play. Our driver worked the 15 passenger like an Andretti on his way to Olive Garden. Fallen trees blocked roads all over and we had to work our way around the blockages.

Eventually we get to the venue and it's a total traffic jam. Our driver is trying to get us backstage and security wont even let the bands through. After a bunch of waiting, the guys from MXPX get out of the van in search of catering. We quickly were informed there was no chance of playing and after a bit of hanging out with our hyper-charismatic driver, eventually decide to go drop off MXPX's gear and head back to the hotel. Before long we get stuck in the mud and spend the next 45 minutes trying to find a way to get the van out. The next hour is spent dealing with a variety of weather issues from more fallen trees to more mud to running in the rain; I'll spare further details.

I'm now sitting at home in Nashville as travel arrangements interrupted the blogging process. In short, we get a ride back to JFK and get our flight changed so we can leave the same afternoon and avoid spending the night in rural New Jersey. The airport makes for an interesting afternoon as the ticketing agents keep passing us around to other ticketing lines, perhaps because they don't want to handle six people, an infant, and several hundred pounds of equipment. Our flight gets delayed on account of the storm, but eventually we get onto the plane.

Rain drenches the side of the plane, streaking and splintering down the window like lightning. The wind shakes the plane with every gust and quite frankly, I wasn't terribly excited about taking off. Forty-five minutes later, the plane sits on the runway, still rocking in the wind, and we begin to roll. Warning signs flickered in my mind as the plane failed to gather speed and before long, we had pulled off the runway and were working our way back to the gate. Apparently some aircraft have a maintenance censor that triggers in high winds. After restarting the plane, we take off, the wind tossing us around for the next twenty minutes. It was a stressful flight.

I also got to go to Destin this past week for a few days R&R with Sarah and my family. I have to laugh when I consider that I spent several days in Florida and saw no trace of Tropical Storm Ernesto yet I wind up in New Jersey and get pelted by the storm. It's funny.

In other news, I just bought a new car. It's a 2004 Honda Accord LX. It's got a bunch of room in it and it'll run till Jesus comes back. I'll post some pictures when I get my camera back; I left it in Florida. Cheers!

i hate technology...

My phone broke, AGAIN!!! It's dead, completely, so don't try to call me. Please send me an email or something if you want to get in touch. Cheers!

PS. It's Sarah's birthday today (the 23rd)!!! If you read this, and if you can see this you do, and know her, please drop her a line. If you don't know her, shame on you!

the sound of settling...

Today I sit and ponder the sounds of settling back into a routine. The summer has been filled with voices, their thoughts and their melodies, vibrating bunks and strings, and the certainly musical hum of diesels, jet engines, and vacuum tubes. As the summer progressed, the hum in my amp grew louder as both the tubes and my body grew increasingly weary. The heart hums as well; its overtones cry for the familiar though the heart is often restless. The skilled musician often chooses notes based on the way they decay and collide with other notes, growing increasingly bored with the fundamental. In this moment, I am grateful to be hearing the overtones.

The summer has, after all, been the most eventful of my life, or at least the busiest. I’ve traveled to twenty five states since the first of May from New York to California. I’ve always found joy in experiencing the new and I’ve certainly had my surprises. Of everywhere I’ve been, there are a few stand-outs. Take Madison, Wisconsin, for instance. The capitol building is a hill-top citadel in a city surrounded by lakes where I was met with Spring-like weather and dozens of interesting places within walking distance. Pittsburgh showed a remarkable amount of heart for a steel town and Utah still looks like a land from the early American West.

The flawless cap to a Summer’s travel, however, was certainly California. Driving through Los Angeles awakened a childhood curiosity I’ve not felt in years as so many movies, songs, and stories came to life. Just as movies command my attention like little else, the land of their birth proved as fascinating as anywhere I’ve been in the world. Driving north, the golden landscape put me in a state I cannot clearly explain and with each brilliant night sky and each blinding sunrise I reveled in God’s capacity to renew the body and spirit. I am thankful for California and the week I spent there sleeping on the ground with my friends. I am also grateful I get to return in a little over a month.

While I regret nothing from this Summer, I am certainly experiencing the consequences of my travels. I can honestly say I feel distant from everyone I know, save the one person I talked to the most while traveling (she knows who she is). I am finding it difficult to achieve depth with the people I once shared so much with. A lack of connection yields to insecurities and I’m finding that my biggest struggle at the present is reconnecting with those I love. I know this will happen.

My spirit is also extremely tired and I am frustrated by the lack of solitude and deep thought I’m experiencing. Much of the enthusiasm and drive for global issues, missions, and my own spiritual development has been lost in my transient living. This is easily remedied with some discipline and necessary silence and perhaps a bit of reading. I stopped into Davis-Kidd this morning and acquired two books to perhaps instill a bit of drive in my thought process. One is a Henry Nouwen book on prayer and the other is a series of short essays by Wendell Berry called “The Way of Ignorance and Other Essays,” concerning various domestic and global ideas and issues. I was struck by the idea that our ignorance can be measured by our knowledge and that even the most knowledgeable people is still ignorant to something. One thing I don’t want to be is ignorant to the world. This is entirely important as I form my opinions about culture, politics, finances, and the environment. I believe that our knowledge of such things as Christians deepens the level to which faith can influence our world. God has given me a mind and desires me to use it; I must never forget this. Isn’t making right decisions more important than ever?

Yesterday, I watched Oliver Stone’s “World Trade Center”. I will spare a review and rather just ask you to see it. The movie did throw fuel on a fire of conviction I have battling the last few weeks. I confess arrogance over the way my political opinions have formed in the last year. I have felt this sense of enlightenment over the shedding of my conservative roots and while I stand by much of it, various opinions have been mis-guided.

With the aforementioned importance of making right choices, I have had a change of heart, aided in part by this movie and by one of my favorite books. You see, there are certain things in which the obligation to the right thing is more important than the smaller ideas available to us. The movie was a hard reminder of the evil I have lost amidst the politics of the world post 9/11. I once wrote of Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings” as a lesson in the necessity for good in this world. Tolkien writes of a great evil that demands the focus and attention of the entire world, whether or not the people there believe in war. With Stone’s reminder of evil, I have grown increasingly aware of the Middle East and the dangers of being oblivious to the evil there. As misguided our military’s presence can be, perhaps the time is coming in which we must fight to simply preserve the good that remains in this world. It is not the good of the American way that must be defended but good for the sake of the greater human cause.

At long last, I have returned to the Portland Brew for a nice afternoon of the finest coffee and sandwiches in Nashville. It has been much too long since I have been able to sit and just be for a while. I finally get to catch up on a bit of reading, writing, and movie going that I have missed out on this summer. Relationships may now be reforged and those that have remained may grow stronger. After several months experiencing song out of necessity, I am hoping the present sounds of settling are received not in restlessness but in privilege. Cheers!

unbelievable...

I recently came upon this site, Slice of Laodicea, through a friend's blog and it's simply unbelievable. I get sucked into things like this, harboring mixed emotions of amusement and discouragement over the way Christians in this world can show such arrogance over their beliefs and such ignorance with regards to even other Christians. It's pretty interesting stuff.

to everything a purpose and a blog, blog, blog

A wise man once said that there is a season for everything. Another man added a catchy reminder that these seasons have a tendency to turn, that life travels in cycles, phases, or whatever. Wisdom has a lot of different shapes and forms and truth can still be truth despite the messenger’s invalidities; that’s what I like about it so much. For instance, of the two men mentioned above, one was a womanizer to the degree that he lost the greatest fortune the world had known up to his time, maybe even today. The second was a guitar-toting hippy who took his fair share of acid and borrowed most of his wisdom from the first save one great truth: the seasons turn and turn again.

I presently know this truth well as my life is quite the reminder these days; I feel as if I’ve passed through every season in a matter of weeks in more ways than I could have imagined. Presently, travel finds me in the Dallas/Ft. Worth Metroplex. A three and a half hour layover is a cruel thing in a place like this; if you don’t know how I feel about Texas, please read down the blog a little bit. I have found myself in this wretched state for this third time this summer; at least with Hell you only go once. This is the summer of my travels, both literally and metaphorically. The budding and flourishing spring that was the sublimely hectic thirty city bus tour has given way to three weeks of camps in sweltering yet relaxing environments. Two weeks in Oklahoma, the second week of which I’m on my way back to, and a week in Southern California follows. This is a time of airports, a dozen or so in the next two months, and a time of sitting still.

And good gracious it’s hot. Texas is a hazy stew of sweat, the breeze in Oklahoma feels like standing under a blow-drier and even my beloved Nashville left me sweating while gathering the clutter in my car at 4:30 this morning! I enjoy heat about as much as I enjoyed the time I accidentally got gas in my eyes as a child and in my despair I cry out. California! Welcome this weary soul and console me with your sweet Pacific breeze.

A weary soul indeed. My body has experienced all the rest it can stand but my spirit has been exhausted for weeks. I am amazed at the refreshing power of prayer, scripture, and community and even more amazed at the shadow their absence makes of me. For all the legalistic spins on “quiet times” the church has sent me away with over the years, the truth of the restorative nature of solitude with God and community with people of the Spirit sounds like a bell. Two weeks ago, I was the impostor, a man who felt no connection between body and soul, or what Tolkien once described as being thin, “like butter over too much bread.” I sat on the hilltop in Oklahoma last week and tried hard to slow my mind and let my guard down and gradually found the restoration I had been hurting for. I marvel at how two months ago I was experiencing so much joy and fulfillment in my travels and how as recent as a week ago I was emotionally barren. I presently write as the self I am familiar with; my mind, body, and soul rests easy and clear.

All around me I am hearing stories of weariness. I have friends dissatisfied with jobs, one considering moving away, and one who abruptly lost her job at the hands of a cruel employer. Sarah has experienced the blessing of being offered a new job the very same week, however, and I have been blessed by her having no job during my time at home. Violence is multiplying in the Middle East and I’ve heard weary voices speak of World War III. I jump to no conclusions and refuse to fear that which I have no control over.

Speaking of no control, my car is finally coming to the end of its rope. If the EPA had its way, my car would be pulled to pieces and melted down for ball bearings or something, but for the time being I must deal with the inconvenience of not being able to renew my registration. The car is not worth the repair needed to legalize it so I must search for a new car. I need a car that gets good gas milage, is somewhat fun to drive, most likely Japanese, and preferably a stick-shift. Oh, and it has to have room for all of my musical gear (i.e. big trunk!) Any ideas?

I’ve come by some new records lately, namely Thom Yorke’s “The Eraser” (thank you darling) and Muse’s “Black Holes and Revelations”. I listened to both on the plane this morning and I would encourage anyone with an interest in Radiohead to get both records. Thom seems to be expressing even more of his woes with fame and the world at large, something he does beautifully in the absence of his brilliant band mates, his affiliation with whom make the record worth a listen anyway. The new Muse is not quite as dramatic as their last disc “Absolution” and it includes some nice hooks in-between the chaos as well, something that sets this one apart a bit. Whether you liked their last album or not, this is a great disc. Check them both out.

Airport boredom is setting in and I’ve got to move around a bit. My apologies for the long wait (if any of you have been waiting for a post, my sincere thanks) and hopefully I can get another up soon. I’ll be home first week of August and can hopefully regain a sense of normal life after that. Stop by for a cookout or some coffee or something. Cheers!

home...and a prairie home companion

I am sitting on the roof of a 58 story apartment building in downtown Chicago, legs dangling over the edge, comptemplating the wind and battling a newly formed fear of heights. Atop our perch in the heart of the city, I can see every major Chicago landmark and structure with little to no obstruction and I am in awe of it all. My friends sit close by and laugh, telling stories and giving their cynical 20-something responses, but I remain mostly silent, just staring at the city, marveling at how the Sears Tower, which is remarkable close and presently under a terrorist threat, is more than twice the terrific height I'm sitting at. The whole thing is just breath-taking and I realize how much bigger all of this is that I am.

This has been a theme running through my life of late, the realization of my insignificance, the fraility of my circumstances, and the awesome ride the whole thing is. My microscopic piece of the picture is a blast, making the rest of the picture this daunting mystery, but a mystery I have joyfully explored on the ever-continuing path to illumination. Most recently, this tour, from which I have now returned home, has shown me the goodness of God and his provision as I have played and lived with people I call friends for the last two months, void of my insecurites and full of blessings just like the roof-top in Chicago.

The highlight of the last few shows occured at the end of our set in the last show. We had, with much trepidation, concocted a plot with our opening act from the tour, Omnisoul, that we would cover one of their songs with our own lyrics and they would do the same with one of our songs. The band was a bit nervous about doing it and at the end of our set, Omnisoul came to the front of the stage, dressed like each member of Plumb. They donned fake beards, wigs, make-up, clothing, and the singer even stuffed his shirt to look pregnant like Tiffany. It was simply hilarious. They're good guys we've really enjoyed hanging out with and it was a nice way to say goodbye.

Being home has been nice though I confess that I am feeling a bit of restlessness coming on. I have nothing do to which usually isn't a problem but today I'm going a bit crazy. I have been watching my fair share of movies so far. I saw "The Lake House", and "Life as a House" with Sarah. The first was a bit lame and honestly confusing, though the company was good. The second was a nice movie with a touching story that kind of makes you want to do something worthwhile with your life. Kevin Kilne was great and speaking of Kevin Kline, I just saw "A Prairie Home Companion". He is one part of a terrific ensemble of men and women who give great life to a show I love. Garrison Keilor has created one of the most consistent and charming pieces of Americana around, the last great voice of radio in the AM tradition save maybe the Grand Ole Opry, and his movie is entirely befitting of the show's legacy. I simply smiled from start to finish.

Okay, that's enough about me for the time being. Happy Wednesday. Cheers!

until they go free: 3 days...

A dreary morning gave way to brilliant sun here in the Windy City. Chicago is a city I know as well as any other I've never lived in and given the current level of exhaustion and yucky head cold, I have little motivation to explore. This morning, we played on WGN's morning show and I felt strangely nostalgic roaming the halls of the studio that gave us Bozo the Clown, Romper Room, and of course, those terribly endearing WB shows like Everwood and Seventh Heaven. Actually, I must confess the guily pleasure that was Buffy the Vampire Slayer but I digress...I do love Chicago, though. I'm only a few blocks from Wrigley Field, a place that holds as much nostalgia as any location I visited in my youth. Despite my waning interest in sports, I find the place magical.

The tour is winding down in all ways possible. After the strongest shows of the tour, we had only 20 people come out to the show last night, leaving us slightly disenchanted with the last two shows still to come. My health is winding down as I am finding it increasingly irritating sleeping in what might as well be a coffin. My lingering cough has finally passed but my body is apparently not coping with wellness and has decided to come down with flu for the second time this year; I never used to get sick. The band is slowly seeking independence, irritation comes easy, and the bus just plain smells. It's gross.

We really are having fun still but it's good and time for a break. I miss my bed, my friends, I miss driving, showering when I want to, etc. I miss my church and the community that comes with it. I do not, however, miss the fear of over-drawing my bank account or the feeling that I'm not getting to play ever. I've grown in so many ways in these short two months on the road and hope it's not too terribly long before I can do it again. The band is meshing so well on stage and off and I've made some new friends in this time. Next time I just hope we get to use hotel rooms. Speaking of, I get about 20 minutes in one if a bit to take a shower so I best get moving. Cheers!

Can you legislate morality?

A little over a week ago, the senate voted on a Constitutional amendment that would ban gay marriages from taking place in the United States. They voted against the amendment and I confess I felt relief. I have struggled with this issue for a long time for two primary reasons. The first is that I believe homosexuality to be a sin, one of many sexual sins the Bible speaks out against and that followers of the word should abstain from. Like many sins, it is widely accepted in our culture; it is a part of our landscape. I know the law I live under, a law of grace and mercy that yields a process of sanctification. With that sanctification comes abstinence from certain things, sins if you will, which would include something like homosexuality. But what about the person who does not know grace? Can they be expected to follow the same code, especially if it is imposed on them by politicians who are often hypocrites? No, they cannot.

The second issue is a question I have considered for some time now: Can you legislate morality? What is the role of government and law-makers? Laws should be written in the best interest of the public, the voters, the people who give the law-makers power. Laws should reflect the voice of the people and the people are coming from a lot of different places. Different races, religions, and opinions permeate the population which would yield a variety of moral codes and obligations. Could it be possible for lawmakers to standardize this for so many different people? I would argue not. This is why there will always be drug dealers or prostitutes (among other reasons). There will always be the black and white issues like murder or tax fraud or any number of clear-cut ethical and legal issues in this country but what about the grey? Take abortion, for instance. What happens will a girl is raped by her father and becomes pregnant? Or euthanasia? It’s not just life issues mingling in the grey but also wire-tapping and surveillance, bills like the Patriot Act that get grossly misused and demand debate yet with no clear answer. There are all kinds of grey areas that no resolute decisions could ever be made about. And Christians should be no strangers to this; predestination anyone?

This brings me back to the issue of gay marriage. Immorality is something I see through the lens of my faith but something I see for what it is, sin. I do believe, though, that all people are children of God and should be treated that way regardless of whether or not they live in immorality. “You without sin cast the first stone,” was such a powerful and loaded statement with personal, social, and legal implications. Jesus trumped the law, but he did it through personal conviction, through example. If gay marriage were legal, I would imagine a modern parallel would be showing homosexuals kindness and love, allowing them to find faith and repent through their own process of sanctification rather than trying to legally impose upon them. I would argue that the Christian response is one that occurs despite the law rather than through the law.

Christianity was never intended to have the government’s protection but was designed, rather, to be a counter culture operating in the face of the government’s opposition. Christians should still abide in morality no matter their government; we have grown too comfortable with our protection and need to learn to quit taking it for granted. The faithful in countries like China, Sudan, or in the Middle East are a great example of this, living joyfully in the face of life-threatening persecution. Homosexuals who became Christians are to pursue sanctification just as anyone else but those who do not cannot be expected to live under its standards. The government should not be depended upon to maintain our Christian morality but should reflect its people in the spirit of democracy, a spirit we are losing in our greed driven culture and should be fighting to maintain. We are a country of conservatives and liberals, faithful and agnostics, homosexuals and so on; it is not the government’s job to protect the Christian morality.

I distinctly remember a phone conversation I had with my mother on the day of the last presidential election. She had called to tell me my grandfather had been diagnosed with cancer. Earlier that day, my heart had been broken as a class I was taking discussed the bi-partisan (this is not some liberal soap-box! I will never accept that some wealthy power-seeking politician, no matter their party or ideals, could ever understand the true needs of those who aren’t wealthy or powerful) short-comings in caring for the poor and broken people in our world. I haven’t the time to go into detail, but with the added news of my grandfather’s terminal state, I emotionally collapsed. Mom asked me if I was alright and I said no, that I felt completely defeated because neither of the men trying to buy their way into the most powerful position of leadership in the world cared the least for anything I thought was important. I simply cried and I realized that I could never depend on politicians, Christian or not, to stand up for the things that Christ would have. As a Christian, I had to stand myself and fight for that which is worth fighting for and I have since taken comfort in the many faithful around the world who have stood up to persecution and fought for what is right. This is my obligation as a person of faith, to stand up for what I believe in, be it an issue of morality, human rights, or the sanctity of human life - whether my government supports me or not.

Can you legislate morality? Sometimes, but I find it dark territory to be walking in as a clear answer now might not always be clear and because most answers this day in age aren’t clear anyway. In fact, I would rather the government not try and legislate the grey. The better question, I am finding, is this: Should we depend on the government to legislate our morality? Never. Walk upright on the path of sanctification if it is a path you seek, never take security for granted, and when the government and population at large threaten our ideals or show signs of persecution for the Christian morality, rejoice; that’s what Jesus said to do!

One day, I hope to marry a woman I love like no one else in this world and take on all the responsibility marriage entails. How can I tell a couple of the same sex who feels the same way that they cannot enjoy the same benefits of marriage that I hope to? How can I tell someone like Curtis, an old and loved family friend, that he and his partner of 25 years don’t truly love each other? Instead I must pray people like Curtis find the same love and grace in Christ that I have and be brought into repentance and sanctification. I believe true marriage in the eyes of God to be a union between a man and a woman, but many marriages have no respect for its sanctity as it is. Marriage is a joke to many people in society and to acuse homosexuals of ruining the sanctity of marriage is to turn a blind eye to generations prior.

I also find it important to say that when Christians with a platform, espcially politicians and religious leaders, openly fight and criticize gay rights, they are not showing love but rather demeaning these people into a place where Christ's love is mis-represented and therefor unappealing to people who desperately need it. Openly fighting a word and media war against a large and vocal part of our society is not an action of love and not what we are called to. There are better methods of loving homosexuals than fighting them with Constitutional amendments and I consider it time for Christians to quit relying on a corrupt government to protect us rather than faith in God to get us through the changing times. Christ is far more capable than the Senate and I will trust Him to abide in marriage over a hundred men and women of power and their laws any day.

the best laid plans of record company executives...

Denver is the city of the moment, a La Quinta Inn the seat of my choosing. Sarah says La Quinta is Spanish for Denny's which makes me laugh. Yesterday, we all ate lunch together when Jeremy, Tiffany's husband, called her and our tour manager Trey and told them to get back to the hotel as quickly as possible. Warning signs were everywhere and a few hours later we all gathered in the front lounge of our bus for a meeting. The label has been promising us the necesarry tour support to complete this run of thiry or so shows but yesterday the GM decided to pull it. Tiffany and Jeremy could by no means support the tour and the decision was made to come home a week early. I made a phone call and told a select person that I was coming home and I quickly got excited at the prospect of being back. I submitted to our defeat and was content in our resignation.

This morning, however, I was awakened to fresh news. It would seem that the president of the label is quite the Plumb fan and did not appreciate the actions shown towards us. He fully reinstated tour support and we are underway for the rest of the trip which is 8 days, five shows, and a morning show appearance on WGN (it's nationwide so tune in!). We will return home on the 25th as planned. I'm glad we get to finish and the spirits on the bus are high. Oh the drama...

Okay, that's it for now. I've promised a more thought provoking entry in the near future on both this blog and to a special someone and since tomorrow (Sunday) is that special someone and I's anniversary of sorts, I believe I will comply. I never intended the blog to simply be a log of my day to days so I think this one's going to be political...cheers!

I'd rather go to hell than texas...ok, not really...

Davey Crockett, why?!? Tennessee has so few heros to cling to and I have to ask the question, why did you leave our beautiful home to die in Texas? If I watched the Alamo, I might know the answer but for the time being, I must sit and simply wonder. Why do I mention this? I am in Texas and quite frankly, I don't see what all the fuss is about. It's flat, it's absurdly hot, and everything here is either dirt or concrete and it just radiates all day long. Dallas is this gigantic mess of capilatlism, sterile, hot, and seriously overcrowded. This friend of mine is always talking about wanting to move to Dallas, but I tell you, if you're reading this, think again!!! It sucks!!! Austin is a lot like Nashville which is actually kind of nice, and Amarillo completely sucks as well. I'm sorry if this sounds completely cranky on my behalf but I seriously don't like Texas. Okay, I'm through venting.

The tour has been great, however, as the band is really connecting both on stage and off and the crowds have been the best we've seen since we started. The highlight has been Austin as we played at a place called Stubbs; simply great BBQ in the restaurant and the show just felt terrific start to finish. We had a cello player sit in with us and the whole vibe was fresh and exciting. This is the only, I repeat, ONLY redeeming quality I've found in Texas. We drive to Arizona tomorrow and then head north and eventually east. Fun times, indeed.

I guess that's about it, I just wanted to leave a bit of an update. I have been working through some issues with a bit more meat and will put up some new posts in our coming days off. I hope everyone is well; feel free to drop a line. Cheers!

the far country

Jack Kerouac once concluded a description of the western landscape that read, “This day is beautiful forever.” I’d like to think he was talking about a day kind of like today. The sky is a remarkably soft blue void of the first sign of cloud or haze, the breeze is steady and as I sit here enjoying a free latte at Portland Brew, I am amazed at this day. This is my last full day home in Nashville for the next month or so and it only seems appropriate to soak it in for a while.

The last week has been exhausting but terrific. We finished the last leg of the tour to mostly small and subdued crowds but had the fortune of playing to a great audience in Columbus before driving home middle of the week; it was probably the most fun I’ve had playing a show in years. I came home to spend about a day with the people I miss most and then drove to Padukah, Kentucky, to see my friend Jonathan get married. The three days there were honestly joyful. He’s a friend who understands me like few people do and it was so exciting to watch him commit his life to someone he loves so much. I got to do the majority of the music for the wedding, including playing the bridal processional on electric guitar which has to be some kind of first; it was Jonathan’s idea and worked great. While I was there, some friends straightened my hair which proved quite humorous, the pictures of which I’ll post on myspace.

I also got to spend some time with my folks who drove in on Saturday to come see a show. We had dinner, talked for a while, and as always, they showed their incredible support for me and my pursuit of music. They rarely miss a show and I am grateful for the way they’ve chosen to cheer me on rather than cursing my choice to not become a doctor. I know you read this dad; thank you.

Presently I’m enjoying some great music I've aquired. I’ve been given several records recently for different reasons and picked up a couple on my own and all are proving to be great records. My friend Zach posts an album for recommendation on his blog every Monday so I’ll take today and do the same. Last night I picked up My Morning Jacket’s 
“Z”, Copeland’s “In Motion”, and Pedro the Lion’s “Control”. I’ve also been given copies of the new Paul Simon and The Flaming Lips records, Mark Knopfer and Emmylou Harris’ duo record, and a group called Tapes n’ Tapes. I would say any of these are worth picking up, but the real surprise of the bunch has been the new Paul Simon which is a great record. I’m always a bit weary when an older artist puts out new records as they seem to mostly disappoint these days but this album is terrific.

Jonathan also gave me a CD for playing in his wedding that I think deserves some special attention. It’s Andrew Peterson’s “The Far Country,” and album written entirely around the concept of death and the afterlife. It’s lyrically profound, almost a book in and of itself, and is based upon a quote by someone who’s name is presently escaping me (might be Meister Erkhart): “God is at home and we are in the far country.” This is the kind of album you just kind of live with for a while and it’s breaking my heart. Please get a copy and spend some time with it.

The idea of that is presently sitting with me comes from the title track. Peterson talks about creation, all the terrible things about it, the wars, the corruption, the things that seem so obviously God-less and then mentions nature, the mountains, the kinds of things that can seem so God-filled. He concludes by saying that all of it, from the “sin-fraught cities” to the “groaning wilderness” are all longing for what is lost, for God and for Christ, who is in heaven. I am humbled by the truth that even the best parts of this world, things that even draw me close to God and lead me to worship such as a beautiful day like today, are still things that hurt and cry out because this place is so temporary, because all of it is fallen. I am convicted to hurt and cry out as well, to long for God’s kingdom and a day in which we are forever in His presence. I find these lyrics profound and I encourage you to visit Peterson’s website and read through the lyrics.

We leave tomorrow evening for the final leg of the tour and the longest one to date, being twice as long as any other trip so far. I am finding that I love the road but I love being home as well. Despite everywhere I get to go, I will always miss my friends and those I am close to. Home is just that, home, but it’s the people that make it that way. Cheers!

it's raining in baltimore...

It's 2AM and I'm sitting in the lobby of the Radisson Hotel in Baltimore. I'm not a guest but the internet as free and they don't know I'm not paying customer. The bar is close by and I'm listening a small group of middle-aged men discussing stocks and speculative politics. I'm grateful my worth isn't tied up in speculation.

I've spent the last two hours hanging around the bus with our driver Phil, watching him try and fix our generator which conveniently quit woring. The generator gives us lights, air, and all the rest that makes it possible for us to sleep when the engine's off and once the generator went, the batteries drained too. We asked the hotel we're using for showers (not the Radisson) if they had an official car or something that could give us a jump. The valet eagerly runs to lend a hand and returns with one of the guest's SUV's. This is why I don't valet. Phil then proceeds to tell us stories from the road. Take for instance the time he dumped the bus's water tank (septic tank) in front of a night club that had a line dozens deep standing in front. Or the ways he tries to circumvent the various laws that make his job irritating.

The tour has been good so far. The bus is a vast improvement over the last one which we so affectionately called Nanner Puddin. This one's a little more state of the art and the suspension works which means I don't hit my head on the top of my bunk every time the bus hits a pothole. The curtain on my bunk actually closes which is a nice improvement as well. The rest of the routine is pretty standard; sleep late (but not that late really), eat, do nothing, play, do nothing, sleep. The free time is nice but there sure is a lot of it.

The shows have been better than the last run as well with the crowds consistantly growing. The first show was a glorified coffee shop in the DC area and then the last two nights have been clubs in New York and Philadelphia respectively.

New York was a great afternoon, being my first trip into the city in ten years. We road the subway with this crazy lady who yelled at the whole car and then individually yelled at each person. Next, an immigrant woman harassed me in the East Village. She was the text-book elderly immigrant stereotype, shawl around the shoulders, scarf over the head, poor posture, no teeth. Sort of a Mother Theresa who never went to catholic school. She informs me that the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz is Turkish, which he probably isn't, and tells me that I'm Irish, which I'm not. She then asks me if I speak German, in German, and slaps me on the shoulder, laughs, and walks away! What in the world! She, no exaggeration, spoke three different languages in our exchange; it was hilarious. After eating a hotdog wrapped in bacon, we sprinted uptown, played a good show which was attended by a former Styx bassist who is also our bassist's father, and went on our way. New York is an interesting place in that it is completely impossible to grasp the scope of the city when you are inside of it. It reminded me of being in the Grand Canyon, the way that from the bottom you would never know just how large it really is. The buildings tower to the effect of disorientation, yet nothing seems quite as big as you think it is - ie, the Empire State Building.

Today has been a day off in Baltimore and as much as I hate to say it, Baltimore kind of sucks. It's dirty, the people are rude (Tiffany and baby got cornered by a man today and were rescued by an observant cop), and there's nothing much to do despite the fact we're in the middle of downtown. I did go to the aquarium today which was certainly fun. I'm kind of a sucker of attractions of the scientific kind, especially aquariums, and didn't hesitate to blow a full day's per-diem on a ticket. The only problem is that is spent another day's worth and more on dinner and erronious purchases like ice-cream. But a city is no place to spend a free day in if they tell you not to go anywhere alone and Baltimore is such a place.

Well, it's 2:30 now and my eyelids are slowly gaining dominion over my brain. I was hoping to get up in the morning for some Dunkin' Doughnuts while I'm up north and should get some rest if that's the case; I don't know why they all had to disappear down south. I hope everyone is well. Drop me a line if you get bored. Cheers!

here we go...

I'm sitting backstage at the illustrious Jammin' Java in Vienna, Virginia, getting ready to play to the first show of this next part of the tour. At the present, we trying to talk Tiffany's assistant into letting us play pranks on her fiance. And like a good fiance, she is reluctant, though you can't blame a guy for getting paranoid when his fiance is on the road with so many good looking guys like ourselves. I'm kidding. But anyway...

It's good to be traveling again. Will I do this for the rest of my life? No, but it's a great at this point in it all. I did have a great time being home though as the separation has a way of making you miss people. I have terrific friends and am grateful to be making new friends at this stage in it all.

I guess that's it for the moment, I just wanted to check in. Cheers!

say "ahhh"

They say that every man has a limit, that no matter how tough, or in my case, stubborn, you must eventually give in. Two weeks down the road, I finally decided to do something about my cough and made my way to the Edmundson Pike Walk-in clinic this morning. Apparently doctors read a book in med-school that must be titled something like, "101 Uses for Beige". This doctor was a kind Asian man who only made me wait as long as my paper-work required. He tested me for strep and all the pleasantries, got a few "Oh, that's not terrible" comments when checking various cavities in my head, and all and all, a good report. There's been a virus going around and he said I needed an antibiotic to clear up the after affects.

I then went to the nearest Walgreens to fill my prescription and was informed that my insurance company had no record of me as a customer. I find this interesting, considering the quite active card I carry in my wallet and the bill that my parents so generously help me with every month. And speaking of my parents, I'm glad they are enjoying their continued vacation and are ignoring my phone calls. I can understand wanted to get away but avoiding your sick children!!!! Just kidding, Dad (and Mom, but I don't think you read this).

I'm dog sitting at the moment as well. Her name is Scout, named for her mother's love of Harper Lee, and she is something of a joy. She has mad frisbee skills.

Last night I watched the much debated and hyped "The Da Vinci Code". First of all, I liked the book because it was entertaining and very well researched, though I don't think Dan Brown is going to be winning the Penn-Faulkner any time soon. It was also hard to read at times, given some of the claims the book makes. The movie brought back that discomfort but failed to share the same excitement and was, quite frankly, boring.

Both the movie and the book did, however, make me realize how rarely my faith is called into question. Even though I know the story is based in fiction and unfounded research, I also realize that there are a lot of things in Christianity that require faith. Take the resurrection, for instance. I guess it's just the nature of Christianity in America. The Bible says we should meet persecution with joy but that is not something I've been able to experience. I envy the perseverance of believers in places like China or the Sudan. I would like to say that I could be faithful until my death but in all of my comfort, I have no idea.

I'm going to run now. Tonight we break in the grill and I best get some things done before we do. A good weekend to all. Cheers!

and the boredom sets in...

I'm mercilessly bored. It's not that I don't enjoy being home, but I feel like I've kind of just hit a wall of things I can do right now. I've been up since 6 this morning, which was certainly a surprise considering I didn't go to bed until 1:30 and had nothing to get up for today. Why did I get up a six, might you ask? I've been coughing enough to dispatch the health department (I've heard rumors of bubonic plague) and quite frankly, it's just not worth trying to sleep anymore. It's a cough to no means and I think that's the most irritating part. If I was at least removing mucus or pieces of my lung, I would feel like I was accomplishing something. I'd even settle for some blood, though I fear the medical ramifications of that one.

Presently, I am waiting on Ralph, our landlady's handyman of choice, to pay us a visit. Ralph is an odd bird, still sporting the Dale Earndhart mustache and shorts that just don't quite make it to the lower third of his thighs. Ralph is coming to fix the shower in the master bath which means two things. The water to the house will be turned off all day, which is fine because I've showered and topped off the Brita. Second, he has to rip a wall out of my bathroom to work on the other one. Fantastic. All my housemates are working this morning so I have to stay here all day until he finishes. Add to the boredom.

I finished the book I've been working, 1984. I loved it and am a bit disappointed it's over. This presents the new problem. I compulsively collect books and rarely read any of them; 1984 took a year between purchase and commencement. Now I must convince myself that I have a book I want to read rather than buying a new one. I must then choose one between the quarry's worth of books stacked around my room. Fiction? Non? Spiritual thought? So many choices and so much time.

And good Lord, I have never seen so many squirrels in my life! They're all over my yard and I think they're in heat! Can you tell that I'm bored yet?

OK, now I feel ungrateful. Just the other day I blogged about how nice it was to be home and to relax, blah, blah, blah. I meant that, but I guess I'm presently confused as to why I'm having such a hard time sitting still. Part of it could be that I have a lot I want to do this week, plans if you will, and I haven't been able to schedule anything because the Plumb folk have been saying we're going to have some rehearsals. My playing responsibilities are about to increase a good bit (more on this to come) but no schedule has been given, meaning I've just been sort of waiting around in a limbo. It's really not that bad, I don't want anyone to think I'm complaining.

On another note, why do I do this? The blog, that is. Is it so I can avoid telling people in person what's going on in my life? I hope not. Is it for the simple validation of knowing people are keeping up with me (who are you people anyway?)? Maybe. Is it so I wont feel like such a faker when I tell people I like to write? Probably. But even still, it's not like I'm really putting any kind of creative expression into this. No matter the reason, it's fun and I like it. So please keep reading or at least let me think you are. I appreciate you. Cheers!

get behind the mule...

Ugh, this congestion is driving me crazy. I woke up beginning of this week to a cold and while I certainly feel better, I've got this nagging cough that is simply irritating. It's one of those deals where no matter how much you cough, that itch that's causing it never really goes way. While I've always pretty resistant to the seasonal bugs, my lungs are pushovers. I picked up this respiratory infection a few years ago while sleeping in a Haitian church and while the infection lasted about 3 months, I still feel it from time to time, making the average cold stick around a little longer than it should. I'm not complaining; I guess I'm just bored and thought you might want to know. Fun times...anyway...

The first leg of the tour came to a close on Tuesday. All is well, so far, as I'm adjusting well to the travel and am happy to be playing. I'm in town for a bit before we go out again and I'm finding the lack of responsibility refreshing. Take today, for instance. I spent the first several hours of it writing, did some laundry, practiced a bit and then had dinner with friends. I don't write much these days and I find it refreshing; it's not much but an idea I'm enjoying working through. I started this blog with the hopes of posting some of the shorter pieces I write but I've yet to do it so maybe I'll put this one up before long. Other than that, my only responsibility is a much needed haircut next week, leaving me with a lot of time to kill. My parents are currently enjoying an ocean-front penthouse in Destin that belongs to some of their friends; perhaps I can carve out a few days and join them.

I bought a Tom Waits record tonight, "Mule Variations." It's good stuff, maybe check it out. Enjoy the weekend. Cheers!